A Healthy Stepmother . . . and a possible future.

It’s possible that someday, we’ll all look back and reflect that life didn’t have to be this hard for stepfamilies. It’s possible.

It’s possible that the larger culture will become accustomed to families who are married, divorced, remarried, and remarried again. It’s possible.

It’s possible that this generation of stepfamilies who are the trailblazers, with more older stepmother, more stepmothers without children of their own, and more career women becoming stepmothers, will lend a hand to bring civility and reason to the process of learning a new family structure with no strings attached to the outcome. It’s possible they will set the record straight that stepmothers are not in competition with the ex-wife. It’s possible.

It’s possible that children will no longer feel odd for being from a family of divorce, because someday more children will have two homes than one. For better or worse, children of divorce will become the norm. It’s possible.

It’s possible that someday your stepchildren will look directly at both you and their dad and say, “Hey, thanks . . . that was a really great time and a nice dinner. I appreciate it!” It’s possible.

It’s possible that someday kids won’t have to choose between parents. Maybe psychologists will have discovered some new strategies for adults to sort through and figure out their childhood so parents don’t hold their kids hostage. In those cases, the kids will be free to come and go and flow between homes and the stress level will drop dramatically. It’s possible.

It’s possible that someday the ex-wife will voluntarily call and give information about things that relate to the children, important things like healthcare and school attendance. It’s possible.

It’s possible that every human will behave respectfully toward every other human, acknowledging that the other person has needs just as he or she does. It’s possible that even children will understand this because they will see adults treating one another with respect and kindness and they will understand that is the best way to create a collaborative future. It’s possible.

It’s possible that someday, sadness will be sadness, untainted by anger. And, grief will be lived out loud and processed without manipulation. It’s possible that children will learn these lessons at an early age and grow to be twice, no three times, as compassionate as their parents’ generation. It’s possible.

It’s possible that if you stub your toe, it hurts. And, it’s possible that it wasn’t someone else’s fault. You just stubbed your toe.

It’s possible.

6 thoughts on “A Healthy Stepmother . . . and a possible future.

  1. Once again you hit the nail on the head! I KNOW that all of this is possible and I hope that I live to see the day when it happens. 🙂

    Just when I think that I must be crazy for going through all of this, you remind me that my situation is really not unique and there is nothing wrong with me just because my family goes through these things. Thank you for reminding me that our “normal” is ok.

  2. Jill, smiling…….

    Kristine, your comment “Just when I think I must be crazy . . . ” is so meaningful. That’s just it, you are not alone.

    There are millions of people in our same situation. I think that’s what the experts are saying when they suggest a stepmother not take things personally. I’m not sure why the owning of the problems by stepmothers is such a strong phenomenon, nor the blaming of them. Perhaps our most important path as stepmothers is to learn to step back, find solid ground, and let things roll off. Then, we can move with ease and lightness, instead of being weighed down by bitterness. It has felt like a spiritual path to me.

  3. Great post! I chuckled at a few things…specifically the BM calling to offer up info…but you are right….it’s possible! If we all just stopped being selfish, it would change everything.

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