A Healthy Stepmother . . . perspectives on letting go.

About once a month, I look at my horoscope, in particular Rob Brezny from Free Will Astrology because I really like the analogies he offers. The horoscope for the week of November 10 really caught my eye . . .

In Mongolia there’s a famous fossil of two dinosaurs locked in mortal combat. Forever frozen in time, a Velociraptor is clawing a Protoceratops, which in turn is biting its enemy’s arm. They’ve been holding that pose now for, oh, 80 million years or so. I’m shoving this image in your face, Sagittarius, so as to dare you and encourage you to withdraw from your old feuds and disputes. It’s a perfect time, astrologically speaking, to give up any struggle that’s not going to matter 80 million years from now.

And, it reminded me that none of the struggles I’m experiencing now are something that will matter in 80 million years. For sure, no one will remember that my father and I disagreed about his healthcare and that we were in a big huff with one another for weeks while he let go of the idea that I was trying to control him. In 80 million years, it won’t have mattered that I divorced or remarried or was a stepmother or that my sister got in touch with me after nearly 12 years of not speaking to me.

An artist's rendering of a Velociraptor and Pr...

Image via Wikipedia

80 million years is such a long time, it’s hard to imagine anything will matter. But, in your children’s children’s children’s lifetime, that might matter. What will matter are the big social issues, like how the larger society has treated people. Everyone, from mothers and fathers to stepmothers and stepfathers. It will matter to the children who needed us all to talk out loud about these things instead of moving on as though life was normal.

Looked at another way, how many decades will it take for society to move beyond the idea that divorce equals trauma and figure out a way to support all parties respectfully? How many decades will it take for society to stop tolerating divorce poison (see Warshak) which might actually be harming children more than the fact that their parents aren’t living together? How long until we can build a community that supports one another when things don’t go according to Plan A?

Personally, I think we have to move beyond the individual, me-me-me century that we’ve just come from. We’re going to have to get it that we will survive to the degree that we work together to create something better. See The Century of the Self, but be forewarned, it’ll take a century to watch because it’s almost 4 hours long.

The horoscope helped put it in perspective for me. I can use the Velociraptor and Protoceratops image to help me decide which struggles are worth hanging on for and which ones are not going to matter in the grand scheme.

Even though I’ve been practicing letting go of my struggles for a long time now, I seemed to find yet another issue that was really big, as if it was so significant I needed to hang on to as tightly as I could until I figured it out. But whenever I try to hang on, the thing softened and I was forced to let it go. There was another new one just last week and when I saw this horoscope, it reminded me that almost nothing is that big.

And, I laughed and had a cup of tea.

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4 thoughts on “A Healthy Stepmother . . . perspectives on letting go.

  1. Dear Kim

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I am in love with (and in a relationship with) a man who has 3 kids, and the adaptations I’ve made to accomodate our relationship have often taken more than I am or have (hyperbole, but feels true :-). Thank you for sharing. It’s enlightening and comforting.

  2. Jill, I love that image also…….maybe one for the refrigerator.

    Jean, thanks for reading and commenting. Means a lot.

    Shelley, your words could have been my words 5 years ago and just last week. I don’t think the letting go is ever over. Adaptations are amazing in that there is an endless supply of them. At first, I was so upset that I was the one who had to change, no one else seemed to be doing any change or adapting and I was mad. Eventually, I got it that the letting go of the way I thought it had to be was a certain kind of freedom. I still believe that, and I still find myself with an initial resistance to the adaptation. However, by the time the process has worked through I almost always look back and say, no…this is better, I was trying to hang on to something that didn’t fit this situation. And, most important…….what I know……is that we always have more inside us (not to continue our endless giving to others) for ourselves. We can regroup, replenish, and rejuvenate because we are adaptable and resilient and capable and self-kind. I wish you much comfort as you take care of yourself and keep yourself replenished so you feel and recognize yourself. Thanks for reading, thanks for sharing.

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