A Healthy Stepmother . . . Knows Thyself, Part 5: Thoughts

If you’ve been following along the Know Thyself series, then you’re beginning to get the hang of tracking where your attention goes and how to use it to notice the shape of your spine, your overall posture, how you hold your shoulders, and where you plant your feet to give yourself support. Oh, and you’re aware of your breathing, right?

It’s time to turn our attention to our thoughts!

This article was posted the other day on a friend’s Facebook page. Of course, I reposted, and am posting it here. Share it widely, this is so important.

The Neuroscience of Suffering – And Its End 

Thoughts flow and wriggle and pause and get stuck, just like your posture. You can hold tightly to thoughts that don’t serve, you can review over and over and over again, just like you can find yourself sitting at your computer hunched over wondering how you got there, again and again and again.

"Idle Thoughts", 1898

“Idle Thoughts”, 1898 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We could pay more attention to the pattern of the thoughts. If we did, we’d learn something about letting them go. And, if we could find the way to go with them and leave off fighting with them, we’d be at peace.

And, we can teach ourselves to have different thought patterns. Clearly. The article gives good evidence that this is so. People with no previous training learned in a couple of hours to have less rumination and more calm, i.e., to quiet the mind.

This week, pay attention to your thoughts. Notice what you’re thinking and how often you’ve had that thought. Is it a new variation of the same thought you’ve carried all day? Is it a variation of a thought from a week ago? Is it the same exact thought, repeated over and over?

Is there variability in your thoughts? Do you think of what you are doing at the moment or about something from the past? Do you worry about the future? Without worrying about what you should or shouldn’t be doing, what do you find yourself doing?

Some of us need to write our observations down to track them, some of us avoid writing things down. Do whatever works for you. But, if you can, keep track. Study the patterns. Take note if the pace is fast, slow, too hurried to even notice. Is the pace of your thoughts comfortable or do you feel rushed?

If this type of noticing your thoughts is already a familiar study for you, then pay attention to the thought/posture connection. What posture is on your face when you are thinking about yesterday’s disagreement with your spouse? Where do your shoulders land when you have thoughts about Christmas morning? Again, see if you can link a thought and a posture and keep track of what you notice. Not to change it. Just to notice it.

This entire Know Thyself series is about noticing what we do, not about changing what we do. It is about learning the patterns and the threads that tie one thing to another. It is about noticing the self, over and over and over. Something may change in the process of that, but if you can resist thinking you’ll be all better by the time the Know Thyself series wraps up next week, you’ll avoid some disappointment.

This practice of noticing and noticing more is a lifelong practice. You will get better at it and it will support your human life, but this is not a practice you learn and then stop. In fact, just like many other practices, it is a good idea to use snippets of attention practice daily or weekly.

Finally, do your thoughts have a posture? Are they bouncy, heavy, dull, airy, fluid, pell mell, or chaotic? Are they something not named here? Name them, if you will. Follow them and keep naming what they are in the moment. How many different postures do your thoughts have?

Keep noticing. Keep returning to the noticing. When the holiday stress ramps into high gear, such as when everyone in the stepfamily is at your house for a meal, keep noticing.

Hang on to the physical noticings with your attention, as if that action is a lifeline. And, keep noticing.

That is all you need to do. Show up and keep noticing.

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