A Healthy Stepmother . . . on Place

When I think of place, I can’t help but think of the song, Home on the Range.

Home, home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word,
And the sky is not cloudy all day.

Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Home. A place. A nest. A bed.

We’e especially hoping for the part about no discouraging word. 

When we move in with our beloved and his children we bring our things, we put clean sheets on the bed, we try to settle into the obvious space.

Less obvious is the settling we must do inside that place in the heart, the heart inside our chest, not the heart inside the beloved’s chest. The heart that houses the deepest place of our belonging. Before we will fit in any other place, we must have belonging inside the self.

In the beginning, an invitation is extended, to enter into the home of the beloved. Consider that invitation and whether space was made for you, separate from whether you feel you have a place. Was there space vacated to make room for you?


Lucy has a place and she knows how to settle within it. 

Then, the invitation is accepted. Consider the acceptance. Did you fully accept the invitation or secretly leave strings attached like a lifeline back to some other time, just in case this one doesn’t work out. When you’ve severed old lifelines, only then will the settling and adjusting to your new circumstances have begun.

Finding place is easy. Settling into place and heart can take years.

2 thoughts on “A Healthy Stepmother . . . on Place

  1. My beloved moved in with me. Into my space and sheets. And brought his little one with him, every second weekend. It was like having fun sleepovers, then. What I never expected to be brought into my space was his ex, who phoned my house to scream at me, whether my beloved was there or not. Pre-caller ID, this was always a shock. This was tough, but you’re right, it took 19 years for me to really figure out how to settle into myself and my heart with all things involving my role as stepmom, even after two different homes, additional children, and now step-grandchildren.
    The stirring up and settling is an ongoing process!

  2. “Then, the invitation is accepted. Consider the acceptance. Did you fully accept the invitation or secretly leave strings attached like a lifeline back to some other time, just in case this one doesn’t work out. When you’ve severed old lifelines, only then will the settling and adjusting to your new circumstances have begun.” Wow, powerful words. I’ve realized only recently that I have always left strings attached. A couple of relationships, always stepping into one w/o stepping fully out of the other “just to make sure”. Then, suddenly, and unexpectedly, while my emotional strings were still attached, my ex passed away. I was left with strings that I didn’t know what to do with. They feel like chains I drag along beside me. Yes, I was the one who initiated the split, and yes, I love my current spouse (a widower), but I now realize that I’ve always stayed emotionally attached in some way to the past relationship. This attachment issue has been proving to be difficult to navigate, mixed up with grief and guilt. Having never fully let go of my ex, only to lose him has been very painful. I now see that I am not fully present in my current relationship – not fair to him, or to me. I am not sure what I will learn, eventually, hopefully. Or how I will let go. It has been an emotional experience that I never expected. BUT, thank you for the words to go with what I have been feeling, sometimes just a different view can trigger the beginning of change

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