(Note: Week 2 of a 10-week series on self-soothing. This series is a self-paced guide that you come back to over and over and over and over for the rest of your wondering. See also A Healthy Stepmother . . . introduces the self-soothing series.)
By now, you’ve figured out how to clear space for yourself to ponder and listen and examine and study your self in relationship to yourself. Remember, that’s what this Self-Soothing Series is about. It’s all about how to soothe yourself so you can have a solid, resilient experience within you that helps you recognize and rejuvenate yourself and enlivens your sense of being involved in your own life.
Regardless of the issues you grapple with, the path to soothing remains the same. Even if your stepchildren’s mother has upset you. Even if you’ve been slighted and rejected by your stepfamily. Even if you are in the middle of a major disagreement with your spouse, the process of returning to yourself is best if cultivated and honed and practiced and mastered. Then, you gain access to the beneficial responses that lie within you.
We can replace our startled, hurt, frustrated, angry, worried, righteous, indignant, or alarmed response with a more soothing response when we know how to access our sensing, thinking, feeling, and responding. It takes months, maybe years, to practice accessing thinking, sensing, feeling, and responding. No doubt, that’s why we most often reach for the phone to call someone or go shopping. But, it’s also possible to cultivate another way of working with the self, a way that lasts longer and feels more soul-filling.
The next time you are in the space you cleared for yourself, even if it’s in the middle of a room full of other people, turn your attention to your body. Investigate the sensations you feel in your body. Are you warm or cold? Are there parts of you that are warm and other parts that are cold? Are you tense? Where? Is this a place you remember noticing tension in the past? Is this a new tension? Are there other places in your body that you find yourself holding tension but hadn’t noticed before? If there is a sound inside you, what is it? Do you sense taste or texture? In what way? Is there a thickness in one part of your sensation and not in others?
Then, pause and wait……….and let your attention wander so you can have a rest. Keep the wandering soft so you don’t get engaged in anything new whether it’s something in the room or something in your thinking.
Now, bring your attention to your thoughts? How easy was it to keep focused on investigating your sensations? Did you find your inquiry interrupted by thoughts that popped into your attention? Did you feel uncomfortable paying attention to sensations instead of thinking of ways to solve your stepson’s problem with his friend? Did you think the sensation scanning was so easy that it didn’t fully capture your interest and then your attention wandered? How comfortable was it to let your mind become quiet? Take note of the strength of the thoughts and notice how often a new one pops into your attention.
Rest again please, with a casual and loose attention to your comfort.